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| 只剩下钢琴陪我谈了一天
睡着的大提琴安静的旧旧的
我想你已表现的非常明白
我懂我也知道你没有舍不得
你说你也会难过我不相信
牵着你陪着我也只是曾经
希望他是真的比我还要爱你
我才会逼自己离开
你要我说多难堪我根本不想分开
为什么还要我用微笑来带过
我没有这种天份包容你也接受他
不用担心的太多我会一直好好过
你已经远远离开我也会慢慢走开
为什么我连分开都迁就着你
我真的没有天份安静的没这么快
我会学着放弃你是因为我太爱你 I love you.Thank you for your support all these years, for loving me despite who i am... for everything.I pray you'll find happiness and wish u all the best. Goodbye baby, goodbye my best friend. I'll always leave a light on for you. | | |
| A million yrs later another entry appears: (ok a yr and 6 months. but that's still a long time) somebody told me they saw you somewhere somebody hold me cause suddenly i don't know well i must be mistaken it was somebody else i know you all too well or do i? i heard u say we were one and the same well wrong again i could never do those things you did to me i will be ok in time you'll fade into the nothing that you are the nothing you are somebody told me the same old story hadn't you told me you were there the whole time? well i must be mistaken it was somebody else i hope you burn in hell or do i? i heard you say we were one and the same well wrong again i could never do those things you did to me i will be ok in time you'll fade into the nothing that you are the nothing you are the nothing you are | | |
| Wow.... 1 yr and 4 months later i decide to ressurect what i thot i'd thrown away for good. i don't even know why i'm reviving this spot. I thought i'd left it for dead a long time ago. i was never even regular in leaving entries in the first place. maybe i'm feeling the need to write down everything and sort out my thoughts cause i don't really have anyone to talk to compeletely openly anymore. i used to be able to tell doc anything and be comfortable. but it's just not the same with dawn. yeah i could just continue telling everything to doc, but i want dawn to be the one i can share everything with. but it's hard to be totally open and comfortable with someone who's not completely open with u themselves. i know it's not easy for her and she's not used to it. but it's also difficult on my part. I'm always wondering if she's really ok with something we're doing... or just not telling me. and somehow i feel very left out of her life or that i'm juz tagging along, not really... like.. i dunno... her partner or something? I can't tell if her quiet and distant moods are because she's doing something she doesn't want or she's not happy with something or she just had a bad day. she doesn't always tell me so i have to guess... something i'm terrible at. Somehow i also always feel i'm like... auxillary in her life. went we went for the sail party thing yesterday it was great and all when we 1st got there and she brought me out sailing and all but later i felt kinda left out again. Ok i knew she had to bring all the pple sailing and all and that's fine, i totally understand that. i had a gd time going out on a tiny sail boat thingy with roy and i learnt lots frm him. but even when dawn came back she was very touch and go most of the time. to like... just make sure she at least spends some time with me. more like a duty or a chore or out of courtesy not cause she really wants to be with me. i dunno whether she was busy or what. i hope it is. but often i feel as if it's like when her buddies are all there she'd rather spend time with them and only later spend time with me when they're done. there are little differences in her behaviour which i notice. from dinner onwards i felt more as if jiamin was the one who invited me to the party and was being my host! she always seems so much happier with her sailing pals. they sem to have a much happier time. so yeah that's why she would ratehr spend time with them. all this just makes me want to close up and not reveal myself to her... and of course the same question that always haunts me comes again. does she really love u? or does she love having someone loving her? in love with the notion of being in love and having a bf? but not me. not the real me inside. she'll probably tire of me after a while. sigh even when i stayed over last night i didn't really feel very welcome. can't really place it but i felt like a guest who's over stayed his welcome and had better go home. maybe i shld have. hopefully it's all in my mind and i'll get used to it. | | |
| ok ok yes i know it's been eternity sine my last entry. I'm not a very gd blogger. i'm just not a typing kinda guy u know? i even find sms'ing troublesome. Yeah as the few of u who read my blog already know(doc sean and jas) Oct was a terrible month for me. Lost my 6100, dad spoilt the comp and it needed to be formatted, broke my oakleys and got a stupid haircut, and now i have flu. *cough cough*  . Sigh.... still waiting to see if my mobile insurance claim is approved. meanwhile i'm using Jordan's 3210. Anyway i was in no mood to blog with all that. spent most of my time trying to recover my comp and after that make up for lost time on Generals: Zero Hour  .
Crap, November doesn't look very promising either. Dorcas is busy with exams, heck everyone is busy with exams, also gotta stay in 4 times this month for recall manning. Honestly i'm sick of the army. i'm sick of the SAF. i've been in my unit for almost 2 yrs straight doing the same thing every other day. -wasting my fat arse away in the store. I so tired of the monotony and repetition. I'm already counting the months to my ORD. 8 more..... faster faster. i can smell it already.
December looks promising. More time with Dorcas, seannie will be back and of course X'mas. The lights r already up in town and if it weren't for exams i'd say i'd be getting into the festive mood very soon. Anyway i have duty tomorrow.... or rather today. so i better go to sleep or i'll be screwed if i'm late. G'nite all. | | |
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